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Hello, I’m Davis, a single parent to my beautiful little girl, Autumn, carer of my Mom and the crazy animal lady responsible for a dog, rabbit, two hamsters, and a mouse. I survive on cold tea, inappropriate jokes, and sheer resilience. Now, grab a cuppa, and let’s get cozy.
Single Parent Stigma:
Yes, there is still a stigma, despite there being so many of us. Everyone parents differently and lone parents are doing it with no help from a second parent. I think that makes us super moms! I’m sharing my own lone parent story because it’s good, to be honest with ourselves, bottling it up is never a positive. Also, I hope to inspire others with my experiences. There is a light at the end, and it’s found in your child’s smile. You know, the smile YOU put there!
If you would like to read about a millennial parenting stigma, click here next.
Let me take you back to where it all began. I was in a relationship with a guy that promised the world (with nothing to back up his elaborate dreams), it was all cheap talk. It became apparent the morning that I did a pregnancy test, and it came back positive. I was personally over the moon. I’d always dreamed of being a Mom. He, however, was not. After a week of different variations of “get rid” “you need a better job” and “I can’t be a Dad,” he broke up with me, not wanting anything to do with our baby. Let us consider the fact he had been the one to bring up talk of children, going as far as to engage me in discussing names with him.
During my pregnancy, I was unlawfully sacked from my job and was getting no incoming finances at all. I’d been assigned a mental health midwife who happened to let me down when I needed her. I was under far too much stress to connect with my unborn baby or enjoy the pregnancy. On top of this, my ex’s Mom had been talking about me behind my back with the locals.
My ex then decided he wanted to play a part in my child’s life, after endless vile comments and accusations previously directed towards me. To sum it up, we attended the twenty-week gender scan, and a little later, we got back together. However, it only lasted all of six weeks, within which he spent the final week calling me every name under the sun, generally stressing me out and hounding me via all forms of contact and social media. I then had a scare with my unborn baby, he didn’t even care, instead of telling me only to contact him when she’s on her way into the world, proceeding to block me. At this time, much like before and after, I did everything and provided everything.
Induction of Labor:
In the final week of my pregnancy, my ex was once again in touch. He was demanding to be at the birth of my daughter. I’d changed midwives as my previous one had been insulting towards both my Mom and me, and it was determined I’d be getting induced. The night before induction, I had yet to pack my hospital bag. Then all hell broke loose, my Mom became almost fatally ill and required a life-saving emergency operation. My siblings, niece, and I were in the hospital throughout the early hours, waiting.
Thankfully she made it, and at 5 AM, I headed to my sisters to sleep for the night after quickly packing two bags for me, my daughter, and my Mom. I didn’t sleep at all, arriving at the hospital later that morning only to find I could no longer be induced. The whole ordeal had started my slow labor.
Don’t bother with a birth plan, seriously. It only goes boobs up anyway. My original birthing partners were my Mom and niece. Due to my Mom being in the hospital herself, my sister was then drafted into her place. The same sister I’d not had in my life for seven years. She brought her iPad and set up Facetime for my Mom to be there, too. I had a shockingly, hopeless midwife. Don’t get me wrong; they do a fantastic job, I’d just not had any luck with almost all of mine, aside from the lady I’d had a week before. My water had to be broke for me after three-days of slow labor, and I was put on a hormone (Pitocin) drip to speed everything up. I had a natural birth and no pain relief.
My sister was surprisingly amazing, my Mom got to still be there through Facetime (as well as the workers on her ward thinking it was some One Born episode), and my niece was. Well, her usual crazy, clumsy self. Amber practically attempted to beat my child out of me rather than giving me a back massage. Despite her having the shakes, I let her cut the cord, and it surprisingly went without a hitch, though I feel she almost died when a blood clot the size of my head fell from me afterward.
Home with a Newborn:
I was handed this perfect baby, and we were all home (Mom included). I had both of them to look after, and this was my first time being a Mom. My ex? I’d call him after getting back to my ward in the hospital, he lost it with me and cut the call. Giving my number to his Mom so she could then be snarky with me.
Following his hissy fit, he came to see my daughter, for all of ten minutes, before running off back to his precious pub to get drunk. In the following days, I yet again had trouble with their family. Not just him, but his mother and sister too – again, via all forms of contact. They made me so ill I almost found myself back in the hospital. After this, I heard nothing from them for three months.
After the initial three months without the crazies, they suddenly reappeared, expecting me to be round there more than twice a week sometimes. They held unrealistic expectations. My ex kept letting my daughter down, even publicly rejecting her. My Nanna’s health had deteriorated, and she died. Of course, my family and I were heartbroken. My ex’s family took that as an opportunity to cause trouble once again.
I’ve since had to speak to a solicitor and get the police involved. I live in fear of what they’ll do next as they can’t be trusted. The one time I had no other choice but to leave my daughter with them for an afternoon, they failed to bring her home to me at the agreed time.
All of our lives are better without them in it. I’m feeling much less stressed for a start. I strive to be everything my daughter will need to always do my best for her.
Here’s to Super-Momma!
To anyone else out there in the same or similar situation – you aren’t alone. You’re doing much better than you believe, and you can do this. Take one day at a time, and if you need to reach out, then do it. You’ll often find help in the strangest and most unlikely of places.
MEET OUR CONTRIBUTOR:
Davis, who is a single mom to a wonderful little girl and several animals. She is a complete inspiration to overcoming the odds and providing a stable and loving environment for her daughter.